too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize