Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
