So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
