You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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