Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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