I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
