take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
