So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
