So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize