I bet he comes in French.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
