I cockslap morals
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
