take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
So. Much. Porn.
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