Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
