I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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