I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
