i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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