so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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