I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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