Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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