I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
