Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
