i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
