It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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