It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
