3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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