Its about making memories worth repressing
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
