I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
