A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
