I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
