I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize