He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
