pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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