So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
