it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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