the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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