I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
zippers are such a cool invention
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
