If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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