he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
