im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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