sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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