Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
