Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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