tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
