Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize