i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
