we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
if only i could text you this smell
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize