Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
