Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize