he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
