can we get nightvision for the apartment?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
