Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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