i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize