Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
