why didn't you poke me back
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You smell like stripper and shame
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
