WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
