When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize