the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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