Buhtt sex?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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