Kiss
Puke
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
