Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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