we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
