last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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