He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
