Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
