By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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