Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i think i just lost a toe
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
