And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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