If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
