do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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