Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
