it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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