They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
