my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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