hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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