Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
