did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
