People in love make me want to vomit
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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