All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
