he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
